There was a time in my life when my anxiety symptoms were so severe that I could not do anything without my symptoms intensifying to the brink of panic.
Whether I remained teetering on the verge of an attack or fell headfirst into the fear pit, depended on the day and the situation.
If I woke up into panic, still groggy and confused as I attempted to grapple with how I was feeling, that would always end up in a full blown attack.
In fact, let’s talk about nocturnal panic for a moment…
Some of my worst panic attacks happened in the middle of the night, and I had to restrain myself from rushing to the ER thanks to how severe my symptoms were.
This is how nocturnal panic attacks affected me
I’d wake up suddenly with my heart racing and feel kind of nauseous, which only freaked me out more.
When I was young, I’d get stomach bugs a lot and would wake up nauseous and then throw up, so waking up nauseous still scares me today!
As my mind would start analyzing how I was feeling, my symptoms would only intensify and I’d start shaking and feeling hot and cold all over. This would make me panic that I have a fever so I must really be sick.
Of course, fear feeds panic, so the more fear I felt, the more intense my symptoms would get.
I’d then start feeling dizzy too, along with nausea and trembling and the weird hot/cold flashes, and don’t forget the racing heart and palpitations.
Back to what I was saying before…
If I was in a situation where I was forced to stand or sit still, think on public transport or in line at the store, as adrenaline flowed through me, then yeah, an attack was highly likely.
See, adrenaline is designed to make us move.
When we’re standing still when the fight or flight response is triggered, all of our symptoms are going to feel more intense than ever, as we are not acting on the response and so they keep building and leave us feeling like something truly horrendous is about to happen.
Gently swaying or shaking out your limbs can literally help to move adrenaline out of your body faster.
Also, realizing that nothing is going to happen, despite how beyond awful we may feel.
This was what I had real trouble with when panic disorder ruled my days.
The symptoms feel so incredibly intense, causing us to feel physically ill and as if a real medical emergency is taking place, that it’s hard to let them run their course, but anxiety symptoms do reach a peak, after which they can’t go anywhere but down.
My first panic attack
I experienced my first panic attack in line at a drugstore and I really thought I was about to die.
I started to feel really strange and disconnected .
My legs felt like jelly and I started to get dizzy.
I felt a “whoosh” feeling go through my head.
My heart was pounding and I felt hot and sweaty.
My vision was blurry and all my other senses were heightened.
I felt sure I was going to either pass out or die right there.
Heart attack and stroke fears were always top of my list during panic.
I dropped my things and ran outside.
I didn’t realize that a panic attack could actually make you feel like you are truly about to die.
After my first panic attack, I became stuck in a cycle thanks to the immense fear I experienced that I then started to anticipate.
This anticipation meant I became hyper aware of every sensation and symptom that could potentially be leading to my next attack, but little did I realize that this anticipation was keeping me stuck.
The anticipation is our brain thinking it’s keeping us safe, by keeping us alert and “prepared” for any potential threat.
But the problem is our brain is confused and seeing normal, daily tasks as the equivalent of being faced with a bear or lion.
Do you remember your first panic attack?
“I was 14, sure I was dying of an allergic reaction. I felt dizzy, like I couldn’t breathe and like I wanted to run as far away as I could.”
“I was at work sitting at my desk and suddenly I couldn’t breathe or talk or move. I disconnected from myself and I couldn’t think. Also strangely, my chest and shoulders began to hurt, I thought I was dying. Everything sounded like it was underwater.”
“Softball practice, we were supposed to have a “fun day” a water day, but I couldn’t let loose and do the stuff my teammates were doing. Told my coach I wasn’t feeling too well and asked if I had to participate, she said yes. I couldn’t handle it and I started crying and I talked to the other coach and she told me it was okay to sit out. I felt so weak and embarrassed.”
“I was at six flags on the golf cart thingy in the parking section. We were headed into the park when suddenly I was talking to my friend and then BOOM, it felt like I was a stranger watching myself talk.”
“I was at the movies and I was 19 years old. The movie had just started and the opener was a train rushing past and it triggered God knows what because I booked it out of there and went outside where it was thankfully very cold and I sat in a pile of snow and cried while my friend sat patiently with me and calmed me down. Scariest moment ever, I was convinced I was dying.”
“I was in school sitting down at my lunch table and I started hyperventilating and felt very stiff but very unstable like I was gonna pass out. The people around me started shaking me and trying to talk to me which made it worse and I ended up crying. When my dad was called he assumed it was a medical issue and completely ignorant to the fact it was a panic attack.”
“I was on a plane. Nowhere to go except sit in that seat. Horrible.”
“Mine was in a Starbucks line and I flipped out and ran back to the car where my mom was waiting. To this day I avoid Starbucks lines, it’s been like 20 years.”
“Imagine experiencing your first panic attack while driving on the interstate? Yep, that was me at 21. It was the most terrifying thing that ever happened.”
“I was at home at 4am, I just got back from the airport. I was about to go back to sleep when I suddenly felt tingling go through my entire body and I felt so dizzy and I was convinced I was dying. I wish someone had told me that anxiety can have physical symptoms too.”
“Mine happened in a crowded bus. I had palpitations, cold sweat attack and jitters. I was sure I was going to die so I ran out at the next stop and walked really fast until I sat down and cried at some point. I don’t think I’ll ever forget.”
“I had (thankfully) just finished teaching my last class for the day and was reading an article on my laptop when it hit me. I just had an overwhelming sense of dread and fear and I just left the laptop there and didn’t even wipe down the board, and I just ran out of the school and down the street and caught a bus. I was supposed to be going to a holiday lunch for the teachers at that time and I later found out my name had been picked out in a raffle. I was terrified. Luckily it subsided by the time I got onto the bus.”
“I was driving on a huge river with my kids in the car when mine first happened. People started honking at me, super scary. It was a bridge I used to drive over weekly but after this it took me years to ever drive over a bridge again.”
“My first panic attack was during the pandemic as I constantly read news and the increasing number of cases in my country, which made me anxious and therefore, sent me into panic. It was horrible, I thought I had a stroke. My dad then called an ambulance and they said it is hyperventilation, which made me think it was a panic attack and not a life-threatening illness.”
How panic looks and feels
How panic may look on the outside
- Sweating
- Blushing
- Fidgeting
- Nail biting
- Skin picking
- Running, trying to get outside or to safety (home)
- Talking fast/erratic speech/slurring
- Shaking
- Gasping for air
- Crying
- Stress hives
- Staying very still, unable to talk or move (freeze mode)
How panic may feel for you, the symptoms you experience
- Your vision may blur and seem hazy
- You may experience buzzing, tingling and numb skin sensations
- Your legs may feel so jelly-like and unsteady that it may be hard to believe they will hold you up
- You may feel overheated and worry about passing out
- You may feel extremely dizzy and off-balance
- You may experience an overwhelming sense of impending doom
- You may feel like you are not getting enough air into your lungs
- A pounding, racing heart that feels like it’s fluttering in your chest or coming out of your throat
- Feeling you’re in a fog, like nothing around you is real
- Your head may feel tight with pressure
- You may feel a weird internal shaking
The thoughts that may run through your head as panic consumes you
“I am dying!”
“I am losing my mind!”
“Everyone thinks I am crazy!”
“I am going to faint in front of everyone”
“I don’t want to die”
“Is this real? I feel like I’m dreaming”
“My heart feels like it is going to stop, it surely can’t beat this fast!”
“I think I’m gonna throw up”
“Something terrible is about to happen, I can feel it”
I’m sure you could probably add on to this list. Panic manifests differently for all of us, but one thing remains the same; that very real fear and overwhelming feeling of impending doom.
Logic flies out the window when fear is in control and so we start believing the thoughts that tell us we are in very real danger or about to drop dead.
This fear fuels the panic and so we end up in what feels like a never-ending cycle that can cause us to feel completely hopeless.
It started with generalized anxiety disorder for me
Starting in my teens and throughout my early twenties, I had been walking around with generalized anxiety disorder, without even knowing it and having never heard the term GAD.
When I heard the term generalized anxiety disorder, it actually brought me so much relief as suddenly so many of my symptoms made sense.
The biggest relief I got was from understanding that gad can cause symptoms all the time, even when we don’t feel particularly anxious.
So here we are, walking around with high cortisol (stress hormone) 24/7. Is it any wonder our brain thinks we are in constant danger?
I share the difference between generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder in this blog post.
What people who have never experienced panic don’t realize is that everything, and I mean everything, feels like a monumental challenge when adrenaline is always lying in wait, ready to rise at every potential threat, real or imagined.
Just going to the grocery store felt like I was preparing for battle:
- I’d feel safer when I was walking around with a cart due to severe dizziness and other physical symptoms
- I’d often pretend to be looking at something on the lowest shelf in a store so I could sit if symptoms overwhelmed me, without looking weird
- I always had to know where the exits and washrooms were
- I’d stand in line and pray I wasn’t going to pass out or drop dead as my symptoms intensified under the harsh, fluorescent lights and standing still felt awful when my body was buzzing with adrenaline
- I’d linger by the fridges due to sweating and feeling overheated (a big panic trigger for me)
- I’d try my best to remain calm and breathe as sensory overload overwhelmed me (the lights, noises, smells and people)
Costco was a huge trigger for me, and it was so frustrating, because I wanted to be able to take my time, not feel like a dark shadow was on my heels urging me home, because something terrible was going to happen.
Honestly, anywhere that had harsh fluorescent lights would always trigger me!
Death anxiety was a very real experience for me too.
Change the way you think about panic attacks to help them end faster
When thoughts like this creep in:
“I’m going to die!”
Remember: this feels really scary but your body thinks it is keeping you safe and you are in no danger
“Everyone is going to see me have a panic attack!”
Remember: Most people are doing their own thing and aren’t even looking your way
“I’m going to lose my mind or go insane!”
Remember: The thoughts you have in the midst of panic are INTENSE but have no basis in reality
“I feel like I can’t breathe!”
Remember: Your body is breathing just fine, panic is just causing you to take in lots of shallow air. Deep breathing, especially in and out through your nose can help to deepen your breaths and control the stream of air
These symptoms must be serious, I need to call 911! Remember: panic reaches a peak within a few minutes before it has nowhere to go but back down. Your symptoms WILL subside soon
I know how easy it is to forget all of this when going through a panic attack.
Your mind is so focused on those awful symptoms and the belief that you may die, that you can’t really concentrate on anything else.
Even getting your phone out to look up this blog post may be too much effort, especially when you’re dizzy and just trying to hold yourself up.
What could help is to write these reminders on a piece of paper and keep it in your pocket.
I’m not kidding.
Take it out during a panic attack and read it out loud.
Not only does this help to take some of the heat off your panic attack by allowing your brain to focus on something else, it may bring you a teensy bit of comfort, reading this and reminding yourself that you are safe and it will end soon.
I wish I had followed my own advice years ago. Instead, I became a marathon sprinter every time I had a panic attack and would literally run out of wherever I was.
I would always feel so disappointed at myself afterward, but if you do end up leaving during a panic attack, please be gentle with yourself and know you can try again next time.
I also wish I had been gentler with myself.
We have to be kind to ourselves during our healing.
It will be up and down, and that’s okay, it’s all part of the process!
Short-term versus long-term relief
When panic consumed my life I was so desperate for instant relief and I tried countless things, but felt like such a failure and like I was never going to get better when yet another thing didn’t work out for me.
I was not focusing on the long-term, I wanted to feel better NOW!
I know you may be feeling this way right now.
The thing is that the small things we do truly count, even if they don’t provide immediate relief, and they are the things that are going to provide lasting relief, so our panic doesn’t keep coming back again and again and again.
The good news is that there are both short and long term remedies that you can do, but please don’t neglect the long-term stuff even if the short-term tips provide relief, because the goal is to keep the panic away.
I share absolutely everything in my first book, but also recommend my A to Z if you need to look up something quickly.
I wrote my books to complement each other.
So while I share all my tips in there, including ways to approach your panic attacks differently, I want to share just a few things you could start right away!
🍄 Magnesium glycinate, yoga and adaptogens 🧘🏻♀️
I started magnesium along with yoga towards the end of 2015 when my anxiety was at its absolute worst and I was experiencing severe meds withdrawal that caused me to suffer with harm ocd and the worst insomnia of my life.
The combo of gentle stretching and daily magnesium meant I was finally able to get some sleep, which meant I started to slowly feel a little better. And a little better.
I go deep into magnesium in this article.
Adaptogens are also incredible for helping your body better manage stress and there are many to choose from. I personally love ashwagandha, as it helps my depression too, but I share all the possible options for anxiety in my Anxiety Encyclopedia.
Turmeric is an adaptogen that many of us have in our cupboards/pantry right now.
Here’s a golden milk, also called a moon milk, recipe you could try tonight 🙂
🌙 Simple Golden Milk/Moon Milk Recipe 🥛
- 1 cup unsweetened organic vanilla almond milk (coconut is great too) or any milk you enjoy (dairy doesn’t love me, which is why I have to avoid it)
- ½ teaspoon turmeric powder
- Pinch of black pepper (aids absorption of turmeric)
- 2 teaspoons maple or your favorite sweetener
- This is optional, but if you’d like you could add a tsp or two of cocoa to make a chocolate golden milk
Add all the ingredients to a saucepan and give it a little whisk to combine.
Heat on medium for around 10 minutes or until heated through and enjoy!
If you aren’t an ingredients person, and prefer pre-made blends, you can try my favourite GOLD blends from Organifi to get the same (plus more) benefits from homemade moon milk.
Get GOLD here (use code TAMRYN to save 20%)
Get GOLD Chocolate here (use code TAMRYN to save 20%)
Deep breathing 😮💨
I know, I know.
I felt the same way when I kept hearing how good deep breathing is when my panic was severe and it never felt like I was getting enough air into my body.
I’d always try it, but it honestly felt like it wasn’t working so I’d give up.
Remember that initially, when doing something new, it’s going to feel weird.
If you’ve been taking in shallow air for years then your body needs to adjust to this new way of breathing.
You may also just need to find a breathing technique that works for you.
I love breathing in and out through my nose only when panic takes hold or out through pursed lips to extend my exhale, an instant tonic for your nervous system.
This tool can help you to extend your exhales. I never promote anything I don’t personally use, but I have two of these shifts and still use them all the time.
I’m a very fidgety person so I like having something around my neck to play with (I like how it looks too) and it also serves as my reminder to breathe.
I hope this has brought even a sliver of comfort and a glimmer of light into what may have felt like a very dark journey for far too long now.
I answer some of your top panic attack questions in this podcast episode.
I also created an audio for you to listen to if you need to go somewhere but are feeling afraid or on fear of having a panic attack.
I’m right here beside you. We may not be in person physically, but I am a big believer in energy and I hope you feel my support and love energetically through the screen.
I answer some of your top panic attack questions in this podcast episode.
I also created an audio for you to listen to if you need to go somewhere but are feeling afraid or on fear of having a panic attack.
The audio is available here, and you can even listen to a sample of it.
If there is one thing I have learned, it is the immense power in sharing our struggles, even though I know it can be terrifying to open up.
When we suffer from panic attacks, it’s easy to want to self-isolate and you may wonder if anyone can truly understand how you feel day after day, which is why I share what I do and try to encourage you to feel safe to share your stories with me, with us, too.
I suffered and felt very much alone for many years. I wrote my books, because I promised myself that if I ever got out of the crippling anxiety I was in, I would find a way to share my story and do my very best to help others who may currently be feeling the way I did.
You deserve to live a life free from fear, panic and constant symptoms.
Just continue taking it day by day and use me as inspiration; someone who didn’t believe getting better was a possibility for her, yet here I am.
And I am here with you on your journey x
Transparency notice: this post contains affiliate parterships which simply means if you do purchase any of the products through the links provided, I will get a small commission in return. This doesn’t cost you anything more, and it helps me to keep my website ad-free. I will never share any products I have never personally used, and if I ever do, I will surely tell you. If you do make a purchase, thank you for your support.
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