I was having some kind of weird dream this morning, one that faded away as I started waking up.
One part of my dream was me on a skateboard in a grocery store, but I was sitting on it going between aisles, it was so strange.
Right before I woke up my leg had been twitching in my dream.
As I started to become aware of my surroundings, I realized that it wasn’t just a dream, my leg really was twitching, and the twitching was INTENSE!
This used to always happen to me when I had food poisoning or a fever. I’d feel nauseous in my dream and then wake up right into the nausea, which is horrifying, especially when nausea is a huge anxiety trigger and you suffer with emetophobia.
Let’s rewind to years ago, when my health anxiety was at its very worst and I lived in fear of every twitch, tingle and strange sensation.
In fact, my ALS fears started as young as 17 years old and carried on for years despite me being told I was fine.
Those doubts created by health anxiety festered and grew and ended up consuming me for far too long.
Now let me tell you, this kind of intense muscle twitch would have had me in a horrible spiral and by now (a few hours later) I probably would have already spent hours alternating between Googling, browsing Reddit forums and staring off into the distance pondering my fate.
I received an email a few days ago from a girl letting me know that she had been browsing Reddit, hoping for some reassurance about scary hypnic jerks she was experiencing every night.
Hypnic jerks are that unsettling falling sensation that jolts you awake right as you are on the verge of drifting off.
She told me that someone in the thread she found had shared my info and links and that’s how she had found me.
She also let me know that she had browsed my content and found so much relief after struggling for so long.
I think it’s so amazing that I used to sit on Reddit myself, for hours, desperate for reassurance, for some bit of info that would lead me to that place of comfort I was always seeking, yet now, years later, people are sharing our community on there! It’s pretty damn cool how life works sometimes, and this after I had been at a point where I couldn’t imagine ever getting better.
Just thought I’d share that 😄
I also saw the below comment on a thread shared recently on Reddit and it made me so happy:
If you’d like a copy of my Anxiety A to Z Encyclopedia or would just like to learn more then click here.
I don’t love experiencing muscle twitching, even now, but my fear is nothing like before and now it’s more of an annoyance than anything else.
This twitch was particularly intense though, and I felt it very strongly in my upper leg.
It was annoying enough to keep me up so I went in search of my magnesium gel and rubbed in a generous amount and hoped it would ease up so I could grab one more hour of sleep.
I share everything about muscle twitching (and how common it is!) in this article that I hope will help if this is one of your major symptoms and fears.
The gel helped the twitching become less intense but I still felt it.
I remembered that I did a strength workout yesterday (involving lunges and weighted squats, my least favourite exercises!) and so that was the likely culprit, as working out muscles and holding tension in muscles is a huge contributor to twitching. My legs also hurt today.
With anxiety we tend to hold our bodies rigidly, causing stress and tension in our muscles that we are not even aware of.
Do this long enough and not only may you experience significant pain, but you may experience twitching and spasms too.
Also, many people are actually deficient in magnesium and adding this mineral into your life may be the one thing that finally helps your muscle twitching.
I also want to mention here, and you definitely know this but may need a reminder:
Fear and fixation can increase the intensity of a symptom and even cause it to hang around as all of our attention is focused there.
The minute we think very intentionally about a part of our body, we are likely going to start to feel sensation in that area.
So if you are experiencing a symptom and keeping all of your focus there, it is going to feel more intense than ever.
Take it from me, I have given undivided attention to every single part of my body for a considerable length of time, and I can confirm that this attention will always intensify the sensation or feeling in that area.
No, I am not going to tell you to “just not focus on it so much.”
If only it were that easy, huh?
But I am going to tell you to be mindful of the fact that your attention there may be making it worse.
To be mindful of the fact that health anxiety is real, and while it cannot harm you, it can certainly make you believe that you are in serious danger, as well as drastically intensify your symptoms and fears until logic is no longer anywhere close by.
Awareness is the first step in anxiety recovery.
Just noticing your reactions and where you put your focus.
Just noticing, observing.
I got deep into my book this morning and suddenly my twitching eased up.
Then I thought about it again and bam, it came back to say hi.
I always get asked to share how I deal with symptoms now, as well as to simply share when I am experiencing something so I wanted to share this to help you if you are currently dealing with twitching, and struggling to stay calm as your muscles do their thing.
Health anxiety update
Health anxiety has kicked my butt all year.
I gave a little update at the end of March, sharing what I had been struggling with.
Muscle twitching may not trigger me now anymore (never thought I would ever say that!), but there are certain fears and symptoms that I do still find scary.
The intensity of the fear may have loosened its grip, but I still feel those little spikes of adrenaline and those tummy drops when I am triggered.
I still deal with health anxiety and death anxiety OCD and have found that coming up quite a bit for me recently.
It certainly does help knowing that this is ocd, and not simply me thinking that perhaps I am psychic.
This was something I struggled with for a very long time; thinking that everything I saw was an omen or “sign.”
I’d pick up a book to help relax me from my constant health anxiety loops and then read about a sick character and believe that this was a sign that I had the exact same illness or was going to succumb to the exact same fate.
I get asked if it’s normal to suddenly start experiencing the exact same symptoms of an illness video you come across and in terms of ocd, it is very normal.
We are so fixated on the symptoms and the parts of our body where said symptoms may arise that suddenly we start feeling sensation there.
There’s a lot of triggering content on socials and this still affects me sometimes, especially if I was already worrying about what ends up popping up in front of my face.
☀️ Summer is triggering for my health anxiety too
Not only is the heat incredibly triggering for anxiety, Summer is a time when we see more of our body and if you have health anxiety then I don’t think I need to go into too much detail here, I know you will understand what I mean.
Obsessing over marks and moles is something I still struggle with and have to really talk to myself when I find myself starting to fall under the hypnotic spell of “let’s check one more time.”
I’m reading that in a creepy voice in my mind haha: Let’s check one more time, Tam, just one more time.
Of course it’s never just one more time and checking once simply activates the ocd cycle of repetition.
I can drive myself quite crazy with how obsessive I can get with checking, be it a mole that looks the same every time I check (Duh, Tam) or feeling a lymph node or even muscle tissue thinking it’s a lump.
So that’s really been the two big things lately for me; social media triggers and body checking or feeling.
I don’t allow myself to check as much now as I would have years ago and I don’t Google.
I also pay attention to where in my life I need to put more focus, in terms of my physical health and mental health, as often when health anxiety spirals are threatening to take hold it can be traced back to something.
In this case, this entire year has been quite a tough year mentally. I have been working through some personal things, as well as acknowledging the fact that I have been burnt out for a while now.
Burn out is no joke and can leave us mentally, physically and emotionally drained and therefore, vulnerable.
In this vulnerable state we are more likely to fall into those unhelpful thinking loops and we allow fear in.
So since I have been aware of the fact that I have been burnt out, I have been trying to find ways to support my mind and body.
🌲 Fresh air and lots of time off screens
The number one thing that I have been embracing this year, a little uncomfortably at times, but embracing nonetheless, is taking time to do nothing.
When I say nothing, I mean no emails or online work or scrolling, but to rather take time to just be.
To read and spend time in nature with my phone on airplane mode, which it pretty much is always on now.
When you’re used to always being busy, always living in that mode of feeling like you need to be doing something, then doing nothing may feel really strange, even uncomfortable.
However, this is usually an indication of how much you need a rest, how much you need to prioritize just being over doing.
See where you can take more breaks, despite how busy your life may be. A good tip is to simply swap out phone time for time completely for yourself where you can do something you love to do and that will support your nervous system.
I have spent more time this year than ever at the park under big, old trees with my book or just listening to music or taking in my surroundings and it is so healing.
🏋🏼 Strength training
Yoga and walking are my favourite ways to get my blood flowing, and because I enjoy them I find them easier to stick with.
Strength training is something that I go through periods of being really consistent with and then fall off it again. I am now going into my fourth week of strength workouts and trying to be consistent this time.
Not only does strength help me feel stronger in my body, which I love, it also helps me to sleep better and in the past I have noticed it makes a difference in my depression too, with my mood being more stable more of the time.
This alone is motivation for me to give it another go. If you’d like to try and have no idea where to begin then consider the app I use. It’s called Fitbod and creates your workout for you.
😴 Gut and sleep support
I ate gluten at the end of last year, knowing my body doesn’t like it at all, but hoped for the best.
It ended up affecting my hormones for the first few months of this year, which then ended up triggering my anxiety.
Recently I got glutened again, accidentally this time, however I am now going through the withdrawal, which is just not a fun time.
I get headaches, my sleep is disrupted and my gut is unhappy.
The gut-brain connection is real and so to support my gut health right now I have started on a probiotic that I take in the mornings, about 30 minutes before breakfast. It’s the IBS Relief one from Natural Factors. I actually wasn’t paying attention when I bought it and didn’t realize it even said IBS Relief on the front haha, but it seems to be a good one.
I just wanted a simple one, as I regularly eat and drink probiotic-rich foods and drinks, including kimchi, sauerkraut, kombucha and pickles.
I have also been making sure to drink lots of water and herbal teas, as well as having my bedtime drink.
I have been having this GOLD blend every night again and it really does help me sleep. Use my code TAMRYN to save $20 🙂
It has turmeric, Reishi, lemon balm and passionflower, all of which can improve sleep quality and support the adrenals, which is so important for burnout and when you are chronically stressed/anxious.
🐟 Fish oil supplement
When it comes to managing anxiety symptoms and supporting your nervous system, you want to work on reducing internal inflammation.
Of course what we eat every day matters, but supplemental support can go a long way too. When I take a fish oil supplement consistently, I notice that I feel calmer and my periods are a lot better too with less pain.
It also makes your skin super glowy, which is just an added bonus!
This is the exact one I take from a brand called Sports Research.
🍿 Movies and shows
I know I said no screens, but I meant phones and laptops! 😜
As well as reading more than ever this year, I have also been watching lots of shows and movies and it’s been great.
I will say that the stuff I watch is more on the thriller/horror/darker/weirder side, but every now and then I watch something a little more lighthearted.
I do recommend looking at trailers before you watch to be sure it’s something you’d like.
These are some I have watched this year, some of my favs and shows I am in the middle of.
Shows 📺:
Interview with the Vampire (just started season two and can’t get enough!)
Anne with an E – based off of Anne of Green Gables, I have only watched one episode, as I was busy with multiple other shows, but really enjoyed it and can’t wait to see more.
Sweet Home – This is a Korean horror that is not for you if you don’t like gore. I don’t like gore, but for some reason love this show 🤷🏻
From – This is a horror, yeah it’s all I seem to watch haha, and I actually watched it last year, but it’s SO GOOD! I think season 2 is coming out soon 🤔
Alice in Borderland – I also watched the last season of this last year, but it’s one of my favourite shows ever! It’s a Japanese sci-fi and really crazy, I am warning you, but I love it and there’s supposed to be a new season coming!
Stranger Things – I am sharing shows here that I have seen too, but that I highly recommend if you haven’t seen. This is a must see and the new season comes out next year! Another one of my favourites.
A Nearly Normal Family – I binged this, because I wanted to see what happens. It’s a murder show and quite dark, but I enjoyed it.
Ripley – based on the movie The Talented Mr Ripley, although I had never seen it. This is dark and it’s in black and white, which just adds to the mood. I really enjoyed it.
Baby Reindeer – Loved this! This is based on a true story of a guy who was stalked by this woman for years, I believe. The guy who was stalked stars in it as himself and it’s darkly funny, but also very raw and vulnerable too. One episode had me tearing up.
Movies 🎥 :
These are just some I have seen this year. I can do a separate post/podcast episode with my all time favourites.
Past Lives – Bittersweet and reminds me why I don’t watch romance, but I’d still recommend it. Made me cry.
Anatomy of a Fall – I loved this one. I didn’t know much going in and didn’t watch the trailer, which I am glad for. I somehow prefer not watching trailers always, because it sometimes ruins it for me. It’s a courtroom drama, but so much more than that, just watch it.
Cat person – Um, this went in a completely different direction than I had anticipated, but I really enjoyed it! I thought it was going to be a romantic comedy and then it took a major turn 😅
Love at First Sight – Such a sweet romance! Look at me enjoying a romantic film 😬 I will let you know that there is a sick parent in the show that may be triggering if you deal with health anxiety. I found I was okay watching it and loved how it all played out, but just wanted to let you know.
Long Legs – I loved this despite how unsettling and disturbing it is. Watch the trailer before.
Love Lies Bleeding – This was another intense one and I am not really sure what to say about it other than I thought it was really good! Check out the trailer
I Saw the TV Glow – I loved the feeling of this moving with it’s nostalgic vibe. It may seem really confusing until you understand what it’s about and realize how sad it actually is.
Skinamarink – People describe this as either the most boring movie ever or the scariest movie ever and I can see both sides. I don’t really know how I feel about it. If you really think about it, it truly is terrifying. These very young kids wake up in their house and their dad is gone and the windows and doors of the house are gone. It’s very slow-building, but creepy.
The Strangers Chapter 1 – Ugh. This is why I watch supernatural stuff and sci-fi. Was actually pretty good, but so damn stressful and I was glad when it was over.
If you have any shows or movies to recommend then let us know!
I hope you enjoyed this and that some of the things I have shared will help you too if you give them a try!
I do talk about a lot of this on my recent podcast episode where I also share my recent experiences with online trolls, but I wanted to create a blog too with links to make it easier for you.
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