My best advice when you don’t know what to do, is to do nothing at all.
I’m talking when you’re so emotional and overwhelmed and afraid, that you can’t grasp onto one coherent thought.
This is when it’s not the time to make any big decisions or to start manically attempting to tackle your to-do list.
This is when it’s time to pause.
Time to REST.
I think many of us, myself included, have forgotten what it means to truly take a break.
We always have our phones within reach, meaning we haven’t truly “shut-off” or our brain starts wandering to the next thing we need to do while we are attempting to take some time out.
This means that we aren’t truly present with ourselves or the activity we are doing.
Don’t you think you (we) deserve more than that?
I know it’s so much easier said than done though, especially when your thoughts keep running on a loop and when you have things to do.
I’ve been severely triggered this week, with multiple things from my past coming up all at once, to the point it’s felt like I’m drowning.
I’m also not someone who handles change well, at all, so while I’ve been trying to accept certain changes in my life, I’ve also had all this stuff coming up and it’s felt like too much.
Staying present is key when emotions run high and heavy thoughts swirl, so I thought I’d share a few things that help me and that I’ve done this week (and lately) to stay sane.
Parenting myself
It’s natural, in the midst of chaos, for our inner child to come out and desperately seek out love and attention, as we may feel all alone and desperate for connection, for understanding.
Not all of us grew up in a household where we were taught how to resolve conflict and feel emotionally safe to express our feelings.
This means, as adults, we tend to hold everything inside, deal with uncertainty and insecurity, and we may even end up in the wrong kinds of relationships as a result.
As a result of not feeling secure within ourselves, not feeling safe.
It can be so hard to fully acknowledge, to accept, that you didn’t get what you needed as a child.
In fact, many of us avoid ever facing up to this, because it’s too painful to confront.
We can acknowledge that our parents did their best with what they dealt with growing up and we can certainly acknowledge that they are also only human, but we can also acknowledge that we are hurt.
All these years later.
*Please keep in mind that I don’t know your upbringing. Perhaps it was a severely toxic or abusive situation, and then you certainly don’t have to accept anything.
Regardless, you don’t have to accept anything unless, and/when, you ever may get to that point.
I was not accepted for being gay and life felt like hell for a while.
I was severely, suicidally depressed and I still feel angry and sad when I think back to what I went through in my teens and throughout my twenties.
I developed C-PTSD as a result of that.
I’ve learned to be my own parent.
To give myself what I need and it really feels natural now.
When my inner child comes out screaming, I gently ask “What do you need right now? It’s okay, you’re safe.”
I’ve noticed that I do this frequently and especially when life feels scary, as it has all week.
I talk so gently to myself, because I know that when I can’t stop crying, when I can’t see anything good, it’s the part of me that never felt safe.
That still doesn’t feel safe, but I have myself now.
You could try an inner child meditation or simply close your eyes and envision meeting little you, as your grown up self.
Give them a hug, tell them you love them and that it’s going to be okay.
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself when you are scared, angry and confused.
Talk gently and lovingly.
Give yourself what you may not have gotten.
Sound frequencies/nature sounds
I love sound frequencies and always have them playing while I’m working or doing chores.
You can find so many on YouTube and they genuinely help to calm your nervous system and slow down racing thoughts.
I recorded some affirmations with one of my favourite frequencies, the love frequency, if you’d like to get it for yourself.
I also have a body scan meditation on YouTube that I recorded years ago that you may enjoy.
Nature sounds and birdsong, in particular, can help to calm your nervous system.
Birds only sing when they feel safe, so when we listen to birds singing, we naturally feel safe too.
Supplements
Magnesium is my saviour supplement, as you well know if you’ve been here for a while.
I’ll share this blog where I share everything you should know about it.
I always take 400mg before bed, but this week I have been taking 200mg in the morning too. When you’re anxious, depressed or ungrounded, take more magnesium! Again, I do urge you to read this article, so you know the best form for anxiety specifically.
I’ve also been diligently taking my ashwagandha, an adaptogen that helps me manage my depression.
I share all the supplements I recommend in this article.
Grounding rituals
When you feel scared, your energy is untethered, and the quickest way to feel safe in your body again is to find ways to ground your energy.
Deep breathing is one of the quickest ways to do this, and a tool always accessible to us.
I like to breathe in and out through my nose only when my energy is all over the place or in through my nose and out through pursed lips.
I have this breathing necklace that I genuinely use all the time and you can learn more about it here if you’d like.
Of course we don’t need anything to help, but I like the feeling of this around my neck, knowing I can reach for it and it can help to extend my exhale and calm my nervous system when I’m feeling panicky
I’m honestly just super fidgety too, so I like being able to play with this.
Another way I love grounding my energy is by going to “my trees,” as I say, and just sitting with them while I read or just take some deep breaths.
This week I was feeling so awful that I went to the park and told an old tree all my woes.
I saw someone comment on a video that they do this and it really helps so I thought, what the heck, may as well try it!
It did feel good, simply to let out how I’m feeling, while enjoying the steady, grounding presence of a large, old, beautiful tree.
Put your hand on a tree and ask it to take your worries and transmute them into the earth for you.
This may sound silly to some people, but just give it a try and see for yourself!
I also love grounding yoga practices, like this one, to help balance my root chakra, the one that leaves us scared and anxious when it’s not in alignment.
This root chakra is associated with the colour red, so wear something red or add a pop of colour with your lipstick, nail polish, scarf or hair tie, just have fun with it.
Eating red foods can help too.
It’s not that serious
When was the last time you truly enjoyed yourself?
Without worries clouding your fun or what-if’s sneaking in to ruin it all.
I live by affirmations, and one I’ve been repeating a lot is “it’s not that serious, Tam.” Haha, yeah, I add my name in to really get my point across.
“Tam, breathe, it’s really not that serious.”
Even if it feels like the most serious thing in the world, I know that this shall pass and one day be a distant memory.
It’s a small part of my life, not my whole life and I (we) deserve to look forward to our future.
Its an inside job
Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all gushy on you about how happiness is an inside job.
I’m not even talking about happiness here, but rather about your food.
Every single thing we eat has an impact on us, good or bad, depending on the choices we make.
When I don’t eat well, it only makes me feel worse, and a lot more anxious.
Changing the foods I was eating truly transformed everything for me, and I’m not being dramatic.
This from someone who would roll her eyes if you told her that “eating better will make you feel better.”
That is until it actually happened and I never looked back.
Simply pay attention to what you eat and let your intuition take charge here.
Does this feel like something good for your body or could you make a different choice?
It’s all about balance, of course, but small daily changes absolutely do add up and make all the difference.
And please make sure you’re drinking your water and staying hydrated, as even mild dehydration can cause anxiety-type symptoms.
I share my entire nutrition journey, along with how anxiety ruled my life, in my first book, Help! Why am I So Anxious?!
Change of scenery
I work from home, something I used to dream of yet never believed could be a reality, and I’m so grateful for that.
I will say though, that working from home means I don’t get out much and have to really make an effort sometimes.
Just a few hours outside of my home, around other people, can actually really lift my mood.
I’m the biggest introvert and love my alone time, but I also learned at therapy that being an introvert is so much more than that.
You may enjoy being around people, but then just need a little longer than most to recharge afterwards.
This doesn’t make you weird.
I’m also an INFJ (if you know, you know) so I cherish my time alone.
I’ve been spending a lot of time at my local coffee shop and it always boosts my spirits.
I actually felt a little embarrassed the other day when I was there for like the 5th day in a row, placing my order with the same guy who had taken it each day.
I made a joke of “I may as well move in, at this point” and he was so nice.
He said, “you know what? I went through a period where I found some places close to me that I went to every single day, just to get out of my home. And that when you find a place that feels comfortable, it just feels right to go there as often as you want to.”
Reminded me why I love this place and the people there so much.
Getting out of your home for even a little while can make a big difference.
I’m well aware that many of you may be struggling with severe anxiety, perhaps agoraphobia, in which case getting outside can be a real challenge.
Why not put on a movie with beautiful scenery that makes you feel like you are there?
Three that stick out in my mind are Letters to Juliet, A Good Year and Under the Tuscan Sun. Oooh and Leap Year!
Occupy your mind
When my mind is running from one scary scenario to the next, I like to do something to help me get out of my head.
Lately, it’s been sudoku, as it’s hard to worry when you’re just trying to figure out the next number.
Reading helps too, but I’ll often listen to a sound frequency while reading so I can concentrate better.
I also bought a diamond art kit (they’re cheap on Amazon) and find the tediousness of it so relaxing.
Any activity that simply requires repetition really helps me get out of my head.
I worked at a hair salon at 16, just helping with blow dries and putting foils in and sweeping haha, but I loved the tediousness of it.
My mom’s friends would pay me to style their hair for them and I’d straighten my friends’ hair too.
I actually wanted to be a hairstylist for years, but life went another way.
I’ve even considered doing a hair extension course, because I love watching my hairstylist put mine in, it honestly seems so relaxing.
Any activity that is simple yet requires focus can truly help.
I have a goal to learn how to crochet this year. I know the basics of knitting, but not sure if that will be helpful.
Something else I love is singing. Nothing gets me out of my head quite the same way as doing something I’m passionate about.
I’d love to hear some of your favourite activities if you’d like to share them with me! 🙂
If you enjoyed this blog then you may enjoy my weekly letters that I send out every Monday morning.
I also recommend checking out my books (use the coupon at the end of this 
You’ll refer to them more than once on your own journey and I truly hope that it feels like I’m right there, holding your hand, as you read them <3
Remember, when you don’t know what to do, do nothing.
Even if just for a little while.
Focus on what’s in your control and take time to ground your energy and feed your soul a little bit, by doing things that bring you true peace and joy.
I know how it feels to feel lost, hopeless and completely defeated.
I also know that these times pass, no matter how stuck we feel.
You’re safe here.
Everything is working out for us, even when it doesn’t seem to be.
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